First week… Whooppeee….

I am so depressed. I swear that nohing get’s me more down than feeling like an outsider during group activities. I mean group activities are supposed to help people to bond but for some odd reason I just feel more and more out of place. I swear I will not bother with another “compulsory” group activity. If there aren’t at least two people I know coming along for teh ride, I’ll just no turn up.

Maybe it is just me but I feel damn sick of going for things, feeling depressed and slightly rejected. I’d much rather be guilty of not being in the spirit of “unity” than bore myself to death when nooe eally talks to me or feeling like the spare guy who’s there because he has nothing to do.

Haiz… I know I’m just griping and I should put myself out there more but I just am SO tired of that. I just don’t fall into place here… like a misplaced jigsaw puzzle piece trying to pass itelf off as beig in the right slot. Maybe over time things might get better but I’m not going to tke part in too many hall activities right now. I really don’t want to commit to something than feel uncmfortable doing it halfway-through. I’m a nice enough guy to see it through but I won’t put 100% of my heart into it. That just wouldn’t be right to anyone.

Rainy Day

I’m at KE7 now. Huzzah. It’s raining outside and I am so bored. My room is being cleaned after construction and I’m stuck here waiting. Well, on the bright side, at least it’s nice and cool and I’m not sweating out the whole Pacific Ocean. Anyway I hope my life at hall would be a bi more easy-going seeing what an easy-going guy I am (you there stop smirking).

One step forward?

Okayyyeee….. I’m like a day away from a ew chapter in my life… For the next 4 (hopefully) I will be an undergraduate at NUS under a scholarship from that esteemable institution. Pressure much? Anyway the truth is I’m quite excited about starting uni. I think I might be a freak but I actually can’t wait to start classes. I mean being able to attend a whole array of classes across faculties? Other people might complain about the weird requirements that NUS put in but I kinda like it. Even SS can be fun (if you pick something you’re interested in and not be forced to take some weird-ass class…)

The grass is greener on the other side?

I just had a weird thought today. And yes it’s not my typical, aliens-might-have-built-the-pyramids weirdness. I recalled a conversation at OBS a few days ago where we were discussing student exchange programmes. There was the typical exchanges of why we want to go to this city or that but one reason kept popping out that really irked me. Everyone wanted to go to a real city.

Now, if by definition you mean city as a few square kilometres of concrete blocks stacked up 100 stories, you can keep it. I mean sure Singapore isn’t a bustling urban centre like New York or a gathering of historical and cultural wonders like London or Paris, but it’s my kind of city. And I’m not saying it because I’m  now a member of that esteemable body. I’ve heard Singaporeans mock Singapore’s status as a “garden city”. Usually it’s people who don’t venture out of the closest shopping mall.

Sure we don’t have those bustling uber-cities where everything is glass and concrete but where else in the world can you find wildlife at your front door? The only wild things New Yorkers and Londoners  can see are rats and well… more rats.

All in all, if the cement plague that is spreading everywhere strts to get real bad in Singapore, I just might migrate to New Zealand. The thought of living in a stone box just reeks to me…

Guess who’s back…

Well, I’m back from OBS and pleasantly surprised not to be as tired as I expected to be. A few bruises and a multitude of insect bites not withstanding, I had a good time and made some new friends. I’ll be adding in my – heavily-edited – entries that I made while I was there separated from all civilisation and modern technology.

 Anyway, while I’m here scratching my various itches, I have a confession to make. I am thoroughly frightened. Oh no… Not of starting university. That, I’m really looking forward to. I’m running out of ways to entertain myself and really want to start hitting the books. (I’m a nerd… So sue me) But what is really rubbing my nerves raw and making my gut do gymnastic flips is how everything is falling into place nicely. A little too nicely.

Not that I’m not grateful over all the blessings that have fallen into my lap. But that’s exactly it. Usually when I just don’t exert myself, my life just floats by like a cloud. But all of these – apparent – good luck scares the shit out of me, if you don’t mind me saying. Haiz maybe this is a second-chance for me to make up for all those opportunities I wasted.

Well, if fate wants me to make up my idea, to borrow the quaint army phrase, who am I to say no? Let’s just hope it’s just me being paranoid and not some cosmic sign for me to take a bit more responsibility over my life.

Aku kaya!!!

For those who don’t understand Malay, that means I’m rich!!! Well, not filthy rich but definitely enough to pay off my debts and to splurge a bit, like my new purchase of the new Maroon5 album (they rock man!!!). Well I did make a little mistake today when I was in a mad shopping frenzy today…

I was trying to reclaim some left-behind property in my old workplace and was hoping that my old boss wasn’t around. Well, oops. Now I sorta got hooped into a roadshow that I really don’t want to be at (mostly because I know I won’t be paid much). And I still think it’s better if the current teacher does the selling and I sit up there to do the admin. But well, at least I don’t need to answer to my old bosses and pretty much just sit there and earn as much as I can by getting as many sign-ons as I can. I hope it’s worth it…

Who needs money?

Well apparently I do… I am cashless and am currently depending on family to get me to my next tuition fee. By the way,  as of this Saturday I am officially a representative of an exceedingly august body. Which one, I’m not at liberty to say. But you will see a sudden drop in the number of apparently non-conformist  rantings  by yours truly so don’t be alarmed…

Anyway, back to the cash = life thing… I am in an exceedingly sorry state at which I turn down lunch dates due to the fact that I’m as poor as I’ve ever been. but I only have to bear with it for another two days …